When I was younger I was a very small kid. However I love food A LOT and I'm probably underestimating how much I loved (still do) food. So imagine a small child who kept eating and eating until a point where her stomach had to expand because there was no more space. Those years were kind of a blur to me, but I remember getting chubbier as the years went by. Being chubby in elementary school did not make my life easier, kids would tell me I'm fat and ugly, and I would always be the one left out. But I feel like we all have to go through that stage to where we are now. My elementary school days were brutal, but it was a journey that I would not change.
Then comes middle school, this was a time where my growth spurt started to develop a lot faster than I expected. At the age of 11 I grew so much I stretched my whole body, I got thinner. But if I were to think back to what I thought about myself, I was not happy with my body, I thought I was fat. I would wear long sleeves in the swimming pool just because I was insecure about my body. Looking back now, I should have never been so worried. At that time my parents also forced my to join the swimming team and that was one of the reasons why I got so skinny. When I looked at old pictures I was surprised by how skinny I was, but never once when I was at that stage happy with my body, I was still very insecure about every inch of it. After 2 years in the swimming team I decided to quit because I hated swimming. One tip, working out should be a least a little bit enjoyable, if it is torture to you then even if you keep trying it won't last long because you would rather do something you love.
As years past after I quit swimming, it was no surprise I gained weight. I gradually gained it every year, and probably still am. I have tried the low carb diet, nutrition plans and different alternatives and somehow it never stuck. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming the diets but it was me. I only have will power to a certain extent. A lot of what I have been focusing on lately is whether I am happy or not, and the truth is I'm not sure. I see myself and I know that I'm not happy with my body. And of course there are days where I try to be healthy but there are days where I just keep eating and eating until I can barely do anything. The same goes with diets, I recently watched Blogilates video about her dieting experience and how it harmed her than better her. So my big point about this is motivation and will power is hard to get and if you have a lot of that then go be the person you want to be. Just know thats it's ok to be in that stage, I'm still in that stage of not knowing what to eat and what to think about myself. Keep trying and I'm sure you'll get there.